Legacy
by Ikonopeiston
Summary: AU Painecentric. Choose your own path.


The characters and the locations in the following writing are the sole property of Square-Enix. I have used them for non-commercial purposes and freely acknowledge my lack of ownership.

**Legacy**

Paine sat in the woven palm frond chair, sipping a glass of pomegranate juice and watching across the length of the beach as her son played with the sand kitten. She was glad they had chosen to live on Besaid; the warmth and welcome of the island made it a perfect place to raise Auril without comment or question. The small populace was always ready to help if help was needed but willing to respect privacy when that was the indicated preference.

She smiled fondly as she observed both the boy and the cat fastidiously shake themselves after an especially robust wave broke over them, drenching them thoroughly. Her son was only a little younger than his father had been when he adopted a coeurl as a pet. There seemed to be a genetic affinity for felines in that bloodline. She wondered how much of his father the boy would reflect as he grew up. And how much of her.

It had been seven years, almost eight, since his birth. She sometimes thought she should get back to her own work and let professionals take some of the job of raising Auril. However, she could not reject the conviction that rearing her child was the most important thing she would ever do. She and the greatest Warrior Spira had yet to produce had created this unique being and his potential as still to be revealed. Ah ...

She thought back to the early days when she had made the decision to keep the baby to herself. Her lover had left, not knowing she was pregnant and she decided to let things stay that way. He was off taking the necessary steps to repair the world and make it the sort of place in which his child would find safety. He didn't need the distraction of a family in his life. He had offered her marriage but she had rejected it not wanting to be the conventional woman. So she was stuck. Her own pride prevented her from going to him and asking now for what she had refused then.

-++-

They had been standing on the high balcony of the main tent at the Mushroom Rock Road settlement.

"I feel like I need to transfer my operations to a place less permeated with the spirit of dissension. So I'm going to Kilika and make my new headquarters at that building we meant for the Youth League. Are you sure you won't come with me?"

Paine smiled up at the tall man. 'No. I don't think so. I have some things I want to check out. Maybe I can join you later."

The truth was that she was pregnant. She had just recently become sure of her condition and had looked forward to telling her lover he was soon to be a father. His sudden decision to involve himself more fully in the reconstruction of Spira had complicated her plans. Their relationship was delicately balanced on a mutual respect for the other's independence and she did not think she had the right to burden him with an additional concern.

"Are you really sure you won't come to Kilika? I would like to have you with me." He turned slightly away from her so that she could not read his eyes.

"It might be good for us to apart for a while. You're going to be very busy and I do have some things I need to settle. This won't be forever." She laid a hand on his right wrist and smiled up at him when he bent to look at her.

-++-

So he had left and she had gone into a sort of hermitage until the boy was born. She had named him Auril after the wise and courageous Auron. She did not give him any variation of his father's name because she was as yet unsure whether she would reveal his parentage to any other person.

She was still unsure. Her lover had made periodic overtures, all of which she had refused. Now, after so many years, he had stopped and seemed content to solace himself with a series of mistresses and male companions. She was not even certain he thought of her anymore.

One thing worried her. As Auril matured, he was coming to resemble his father more and more. It was as if the potent blood of the Warrior stamped its impression on those who followed with an irresistible force. Paine knew she could not keep her son hidden forever and that she had a choice to make, and soon.

She settled back in the yielding chair and, squinting against the sun, watched the boy playing with the little cat. The two young males grasped one another and rolled in the sand, emerging glittering like sugar-dusted pastries. Paine's eyes glimmered and lost their focus. Her worries receded in the face of her carefree son. It was well.

-X-

"Nooj! What in the world are you doing?"

"Trying to keep the sand out of these Ixion-accursed appendages." He snarled as he brushed away the offending grains from the area of his left knee.

"Silly." She laughed softly and indulgently. "Why don't you go on back to the lodge where you won't have to worry about the sand?"

He reached over and took her hand in his. "I don't want to leave you. We have little enough time together and I don't want to waste it." The palm leaf chair creaked as he shifted his weight in it. "Come sit here beside me."

"Is there enough room for both of us?" Paine stood and looked critically at the recliner which seemed hardly large enough for Nooj alone.

"There has always been enough room for us to be together and you know it." He tugged gently on the hand he still grasped.

She eased into the space he had cleared for her. He was right; there was room for her if she snuggled tightly up against him. She laid her head in its familiar place in the crook of his neck and her hand on his bare chest, just above his heart, feeling the reassuring throb of that indomitable organ.

"Umm. This is nice. Can you see Auril?"

Her lover blew his breath lightly through her hair. "Uh huh. He's just at the waterline, playing with the sand kitten. Safe enough. But he'll probably want to take the creature home with him."

"He's an awful lot like you. You had a coeurl when you were about his age. Do you think that sort of thing goes along with the genes?"

He could feel the buzz of her words against the skin of his neck and laughed at the sensation. "Oh, he's my son. No doubt about that. Look how tall he is for his age and look at his independence."

She sniggered. "Did you think I had been cheating on you?"

"And when have you had the time to cheat?" Nooj ran a finger down from her chin to the warm crevice between her breasts. "I like to hope I've kept you too satisfied to have the inclination to look for other distractions."

"That you have, my love. That you have. We do good work, don't we? Just look at that kid! He's a small miracle."

"So, when do you want to make a few more of the same kind? Seems a shame to leave him a unique creation in a world not good enough for him." He nuzzled her forehead.

"Any time now. You're right; he needs some equals to keep him humble." Paine slipped her hand inside the band of his trousers.

"Great aeons, woman! Not here on the beach in front of the boy and the cat!"

She looked up at him innocently through the screen of her lashes. "You seemed in such a hurry ..." She did not remove her hand but left her palm spread out on his warm, firm stomach. Instead she shifted her head down to his chest to hear the thudding of his heart and inhale the fragrance of his body.

Paine gave a great contented sigh. "I love you, Nooj. And I wouldn't give up a single day of the years we've had together."

He did not respond verbally but drew her closer to him and leaned his cheek against her spiky hair. It was always difficult for him to express affection in words. "Do you think Auron would be pleased with his namesake? I hope the boy'll grow up to have the wisdom of that old man."

"Auron would love him and be so proud to share his name. If Auril has even half the good qualities of his father and my uncle, he'll be the greatest man Spira has ever known." She smiled and Nooj felt the movement, interpreting it correctly.

They remained quietly in a semi-doze for a while, then Paine murmured sleepily, "What's Auril doing now?"

"If you lifted your head you could see for yourself," Nooj pointed out.

"It's too much trouble and you're already looking that way."

"He's lying above the waterline with his head on the kitten's side. I think they're both asleep. I can see his breath moving his chest and belly, so don't worry." The man stroked her flank soothingly. "Take a nap if you like. I'll keep watch."

-X-

It seemed such a short time since she had heard the news. She had been sitting on this same beach with Auril. They had been building a sand castle and he had been babbling happily in his own language, the one only babies can speak and understand. A messenger had come loping toward them from the direction of the village and had placed a small envelope in her hand. She had given him a coin in exchange and watched as he scampered off to his next destination before tearing open the missive.

She had opened the envelope and the sand under her legs stopped being velvety and warm as the waves washed it against her skin; it was suddenly rasping at her body like the abrasive substance it really was. The sky darkened and the air grew chill and bleak.

Paine closed her eyes and stopped remembering. She had to brace herself before permitting her mind to revisit the next few moments of the scene. It had been almost six years and it still hurt as though it had been only as many minutes ago.

How could she live in a world without Nooj? It was the same question she had asked of her self then and still demanded of her soul. Over and over, she swore that she would continue just until young Auril was old enough to take care of himself. Now, as so often, it seemed too long a time, too great a burden. She wanted to join her love on the FarPlane where she was sure he was waiting for her.

Sometimes in the late evening, after the boy had gone to bed, she would sense the presence of Nooj near and feel his large rough hand touch her. At such times, she would find herself weak and sickened with the longing for him until she wanted only to abandon herself to despair and hasten to her own ending in order to find him again. The years until she would be free to do so seemed far too many to count.

When they had decided to bring a child into being, she had know he was Taydrcaagan but had given it little weight against her wish for a baby who would be a part of them both. They had both been young and death was no part of her equation. She just knew they would live forever and their child would be the centerpiece of their unity. She had dreams and visions of how they would carefully shape the small human they would produce, how they would bring it to perfection together.

Then she was suddenly left alone in a barren world with the responsibility and duty to live for her son now that his father was gone. Of course, their many friends had rallied around, offering help and comfort. For a while she had drawn strength from those who valued her until her pride demanded she take up the burden for herself and soldier on as Nooj would have wanted her to. So she had gently discouraged the now cloying efforts of Yuna and Rikku and the other women to take the care of Auril from her hands. Likewise, she had assured Gippal and Baralai and the other men that she was quite capable of handling her own affairs.

That done, she had taken the boy and set up her new household, with a few servants to ease the daily tasks but with restrictions which protected their privacy rigorously. She was independent as she had intended to be but she was also very lonely.

There were moments of the purest joy when Auril showed the caliber of his heritage but they were quickly followed by despair when she turned to share those times of pride with Nooj - then remembered he was gone. Sometimes she imagined he was there and saw what his son did and was proud. Then the dream collapsed and she was caught in a maelstrom of weeping.

After a while, her tears became less, not because she grieved less bitterly but because she had become numb. It had never been a possibility that she would find another mate and now she was indifferent to all the men who approached her with hope and desire. The only love she had to spend was lavished on the boy, the child of her ordained half.

Auril was growing up in a chrysalis of devotion. He did not lack for playmates of his own age but his world was to be found in his mother and her stories about what a great man his father had been.

And Paine, who had always worn black by habit, now wore it for a reason and ceaselessly tallied the days, months, and years remaining in Auril's minority until exhaustion claimed her and forced her to rest. Yet her sleep remained troubled.

-X-

"He looks so much like you."

"Thank you." Paine smiled politely. She knew that was not true. To her eyes, Auril was the image of his father, who was not his mother's legal mate. Every time she looked at her son, she saw her lover, the man who still held her heart.

She tried not to remember that time, the period of her life when she had gone more than a little mad, when she had moved through places and times like a frenzied beast, more mindless than not. Nooj had tried to kill her; that was all she could think of. Caught in an endless loop of reliving that moment when his gun was brought to bear on her body and his eyes were vacant on hers, she had sought forgetfulness down a number of avenues - most of which she found to be shameful and stupid in recollection. She had tried drugs and discovered that she had an alarmingly high tolerance and had to use more and more to achieve any effect at all. When a near overdose landed her in the hospital she quit that path. Alcohol was equally ineffective and its end results disgusted her.

For a while she had found comfort in the arms of other men - and women. She had explored the worlds of sensuality, lying in strange and varied beds. She became the dominant one in every encounter and enjoyed her ability to call the figures of the dance. Finally, when she grew bored with empty lust, she shook herself awake and hied herself to a hermitage to think and regain her footing. It was then, in the lonely cave on Mount Gagazet that she became aware that she was pregnant. The problem was she did not know by whom. During the mad time, she had given no thought to protection or prevention and now the improbable had happened.

Of course, there was always abortion which would not be difficult to procure, but a thread of hope kept her from taking that course. A few of her lovers had also been friends and this might be the child of one of them she was carrying. Or ... Nevertheless, she could not so casually destroy what she had created no matter with whom. Her final decision was hammered out through many nights of contemplation. When at last she was sure, she came down off her mountain to consult a doctor and, with his permission, returned to her cave to gestate and plan. She examined the pro and cons of raising a child alone and, at length, decided to place the newborn with a wet nurse and foster mother until she could put her life back on track. So, she did.

For the time she hunted with the Gullwings and fought against Vegnagun, the boy Auril lived in the secure and loving home of his foster parents. Paine visited often and made sure the boy knew her as his mother. As he began to mature, she became more certain of who his father had been and was increasingly thankful that she had not aborted him.

Then, with peace restored, normalcy resumed. Paine collected her son, now approaching his third birthday, and prepared to see what life had to offer them. They did not have long to wait.

"Paine, we've known each other for a long time now and you know I love you. Will you marry me?"

"You know I have a son? He's a part of the deal." She smiled at the uncharacteristic seriousness of the dark man.

"He will be as my own son. I don't suppose he actually is mine?"

Paine bit the inside of her cheek to keep from grinning. "No, Buddy, he's not yours. But he's mine and I love him. You can't break up the set."

"I'll take you both and be grateful for it. Will you take me?"

"Yes. I am honoured by your offer and gladly accept." She had always been fond of the pilot and believed she could grow to love him.

"By the way, what's the kid's name?"

"Auril."

Buddy thought for a moment. "That's a form of Auron, isn't it?"

"Yes, it's a sort of affectionate version of the name from the same root."

"OK. So we'll be a family of three." He placed a respectful kiss on her cheek and seemed surprised when she turned his head so that their lips could meet.

That had been nearly four years ago. The partnership had worked well. True, she had not learned to love buddy but they were friends and respected one another. Upon occasion they had discussed adding to their family. Paine remained dubious but felt she owed Buddy something for his constant care and devotion to Auril and to her.

Her life had not progressed as she had expected. It had been a long time since she had exercised with her sword and her Warrior talents had grown rusty. She had thought by this time she would have taken on more public responsibilities instead of being such a domestic person, absorbed in her child and her home. Still, it was restful and she often thought she deserved the quietness after the hurly-burly of her early years.

She enjoyed putting young Auril to bed each night and now, as she lay drowsily beside the sleeping Buddy, existence seemed good - if unexciting. She turned on her side and began her usual ritual of opening the path to that dream world where waited her lover, the father of her son, there on the edge of sleep.

-X-

The wheel is spinning.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, place your bets. Red or Black. Odd or Even. High or Low. Choose your number and place your bet. Last call."

The wheel spins.

"Mesdames et messieurs, faites vos jeux. Rouge ou noir. Impair ou meme. Haut ou bas. Faites vos jeux. Le roue ..."

Monday, November 19, 2007

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